How Not To Eat... Ever.

I'm a bit of a health freak 99% of the time, whether its working out at the gym, playing sports, taking carefully researched supplements or watching what I eat (and when I eat too). But like just about anyone, I do enjoy tying on the feed bag for the occasional splurge into the craptastic world of fast food. And when I do walk down that dark path of high fat, sodium and delicious goodness, I carry a whuppin' stick. If you are going to do it, go big... just don't do it all the time or else you will not be going big... you will just be big.

Men's Health pulled together the 20 Word Foods in America and that list... wow. You almost die a little inside just reading the thing. It's not as if the items on the list come as some kind of surprise, but geez, when you actually read the nutritional breakdown, it really floors ya. How about On the Border having 5 salads with more than 1,100 calories? Or a Carl's Jr. burger with 111 grams of fat?

MH also provides a Restaurant Report Card giving you the skinny (Ha ha! See what I did there? Ohh, I'm such the clever fellow.) on many popular restaurants and which (generally) are healthier than others. I do need to point out that I don't think this ranking is really all that great. Relying strictly on total calories per entree as the deciding factor strikes me as a bit weak since actual macronutrient breakdown (protein vs. fats vs. carbs) is pretty important as well. I do agree on Boston Market being a very nice option and that Panera's sandwiches are absolute calorie BOMBS. I love how their Web site tries to give you the impression of their sandwiches being lower in calories than they are by only showing half portions. Nice try, home slice.

How To Handle Turkey Day Like A Pro

Ahh... Turkey Eve. Such a magical evening. People busily prepping for the next day's festivities, assembling pie crusts, baking and getting last minute necessities. Not me mind you, but... you know... people. I am just responsible for picking up some green beans and rolls 'cause requiring more of me on the high holy of cooking days would be a Geneva Convention level crime. Seriously. Nobody wants a part of it.

OK, here's the thing you need to know about handling Turkey Day like an absolute pro and not some kind of wide-eyed rookie noobster. First and foremost, handling Turkey Day like a pro has absolutely nothing to do with preparing the sumptuous meal many will enjoy. This is all about how to take down as much chow as possible without already being a competitive eating... *ahem*... "athlete". See my main man pictured with this post (my nephew Sam) from a few years back - he's got the right idea. It's strictly about being an absolutely lethal calorie killer. No mercy. And with that, onto my essential tips:

Be sure to eat breakfast
If there is only one tip of mine you follow, let this be it. The biggest rookie mistake is looking to starve yourself the day of Thanksgiving as if that will somehow allow you to pack in more during the actual meal. Oh the horrors of this one since it ends up being lose-lose: you miss breakfast (which is a vastly underrated meal to begin with) and then your stomach tightens up such that you get stuffed faster during the meal you were hoping to knock off in epic style. Seriously... eat some breakfast. Oatmeal works well, ya crazy fool.

Exercise early that day
This one might sound a little counterintuitive, but it definitely helps. Think about it: Aren't you always hungrier during the day when you exercise or are active early? It does not need to be anything elaborate, but I will tell you that if your chosen activity is a little more on the taxing side, you will be giving your metabolism a nice kick for the rest of the day... which means more pie and more pie is always good. I am hoping to get some video up of my morning exercise choice tomorrow because I have it all planned out and it's a doozy.

Skip the milk and don't load up on early rolls
Milk, while a wonderful beverage, is an appetite killer, especially at key moments when you need to reach down deep into the depths of your soul and take a long, hard look at yourself and ask... "Can I truly eat a 4th helping of stuffing?" You have to be prepared for that moment, people! You can't just waltz in ahead of time all cocksure that you'll know how to handle the big moment when it comes! You have to mentally prep! Visualize! This is war, my friends!

Oh and the rolls thing? That's just obvious - rolls are great, but don't let those doughy little buggers take up the room too early when you have not had the chance to sample everything else.

Proper clothing
Two words and two words only: elastic waistbands.

Go forth and be gluttonous... at least just for this one day. And in all seriousness, I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving and actually takes a few minutes to be thankful. I know I personally have a lot to be thankful for, so it's nice to have a day devoted to feeling gratitude.